fear and risks

1 Apr

First things first – don’t forget to enter my chia seed giveaway if you haven’t already!  Deadline is tonight at midnight!

Hey guys!  Happy April Fool’s Day!  I’ve only had one trick played on me today.  A couple of my super thoughtful and wonderful sophomores (insert eye roll) hid their cell phone up in the ceiling tiles of my classroom and then proceeded to call it incessantly during the next period.  Imagine the Lion King ring tone going off every 2 minutes throughout an entire class period.  Wonderful.

I’ve been very contemplative for the last couple of days. These pictures exhibit exactly how I’m feeling.

Picture taken on one of our outings to the villages during our year in Thailand

Picture taken on a boat in Halong Bay, Vietnam

Right now I’m in the midst of making a pretty big decision.  I don’t want to disclose any details yet, but I can’t help but write about it because it’s been on my mind constantly.

I have so many different thoughts swirling around in my mind.  One of them has to do with passion.  I am a firm believer that everyone has the ability to chase after something they want, and catch it if they have enough determination and discipline.  I think the one factor that often holds people back is fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of change.  Fear of taking risks.  Fear of failure.  Fear often paralyzes people and holds them back from living the story that God wants them to live.

My mom told me a story this morning about my step-dad’s dad (we’ll call him Steve).  When he was younger, he and his wife (we’ll call her Ann) lived in New York, and he worked for the FBI.  He hated living in New York and longed to move away from the busy city. When Ann became pregnant with their first baby, Steve knew he couldn’t live another day in the city.  So, he sent Ann ahead of him to a small town, and after quitting his job he soon joined her.  He didn’t have another job yet, and I can only imagine the fear he must have felt at taking that risk.  In the grand scheme of his life, however, that huge risk became just a small stepping stone that led him to where he wanted to be.  Needed to be.  In fact, he has lived quite a lovely story and has been blessed beyond measure.

This story reminded me of  an article I read not long ago.  This article made me really ponder this one question: what if?  What if I took that risk?  What if I actually threw myself full force into pursuing my dream?  What if I failed?  What if I allowed myself to live without abandon and without regret by pursuing my passions?  What if I stopped taking myself too seriously and gave myself a little more credit for the things I do well?  What if I stopped worrying more about what other people think of me than about what I think of myself?

When Jon and I decided to move to Thailand for a year, despite the fear, I kept coming back to this same conclusion: that if we didn’t go, we’d always wonder – what if?  What would it have been like?  What kind of relationships would we have built?  In what ways might God have changed us to be better than we were before?  I’m so glad I don’t have to wonder about those questions.  I want to look back on my life and see a story that possesses many victorious, joyful moments, yet also many difficult moments resulting from living so fervently that occasional failure was inevitable.  I’m praying that God will provide opportunities for this kind of story and give me the courage and the confidence to embrace them.

Sorry this post is a little heavy tonight.  But many things are heavy on my heart, and I need to talk them out, if even only in my head.  So, I ask you  – what might your “what if” questions be?  Please share them in the comments.  Feel free to make yours a little more specific.  Sometime soon I’ll share my own specifics with you, but for now I need to keep them under wraps:)  Thanks for understanding.

I hope to see you all again tonight for a wrap up of today’s eats – I’ve been a very bad food blogger the last couple of days, but I promise I’ve got photos just waiting to be unleashed:)


8 Responses to “fear and risks”

  1. Heather (Where's the Beach) April 1, 2010 at 6:36 pm #

    I just had a conversation today with a friend about being afraid of the unknown. It totally holds me back. Hopefully blogging about it will help.

  2. kelli April 1, 2010 at 7:32 pm #

    great post! love the story about steve, and i’d like to hear more about your year in thailand!

    i took a big risk two years ago and left teaching after three years in an inner city charter school. teaching first grade science was so much fun and i loved my students, but i just wasn’t happy. there are so many things about the system that doesn’t sit well with me, and i felt like i wasn’t being true to myself, going through the motions for financial security.

    the decision to leave was terrifying yet liberating. now i’m the happiest i’ve ever been, as every day is my own to spend how i want. my days are filled with joy preparing healthy food, connecting with other bloggers, gardening, spending time with family and friends, tutoring, and babysitting.

    “the only power we truly have is the power to choose love over fear. this one choice gives us the power to create our reality.”

    “when finding your soul’s purpose becomes your top priority then all the angels celebrate and gather round to give you all the help you are willing to receive.”

    -both quotes are from amoda maa jeevan’s amazing book, “how to find god in everything.”

    “true success is being at peace with yourself” – a fortune cookie=)

  3. kelli April 2, 2010 at 4:22 pm #

    aww candice, i’m glad you liked it! thank you for your sweet reply.

    have a wonderful weekend!=)


  4. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) April 2, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    I posted this on my site but wanted you to see it:
    Hi Candice I will probably end up going with ACE based on the fact that it’s self study and that although it’s reputable, it’s not the most ridiculously strenuous program out there and that “in all my spare time” I can study on my own and then take the test. Since I dont plan on using it to really train ppl but for self knowledge, that is sufficient for me..but if this was going to be a job path, I may loook into ACSM or NASM i believe are two other really good ones. Havent even looked into AFPA but will check that out too! LMK if you end up pursuing it and what you’ll choose!

    Regarding this post, the fact that you lived in thailand and those pics of YOU they are breathtaking!

    i have taken HUGE risks my whole life from living in 6 states in the past 10 yrs, moving aroudn the country not knowing a soul, reinventing myself and starting over, leaving and starting jobs and businesses, parenthood-huge risk! i mean you have no idea what youre in for and you can’t un-do it once you’ve embarked 🙂 worth it, but life changing, of cousre. GREAT post!

  5. ely April 2, 2010 at 10:32 pm #

    Hi Sweet Friend- I like hearing your heart, and I can just imagine you sitting over coffee, me with my soda, and hearing all about the things that are weighing you down.

    Be encouraged that you have always made decisions that have been good and significant (minus a few crazy stories from freshmen year :). I think that God has always blessed you with clear vision and understanding of your path, even if you don’t know where the road is quite taking you. Follow your heart, you already know what it’s leaning toward.

    Love you!


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