I missed you guys yesterday. It’s funny – now that I’m blogging more, if a day goes by that I don’t blog, I feel like something is missing from my day. I appreciate all of you who come to my little corner of the blog world so much!
This post is going to be a little heavy and maybe not terribly interesting for many of you. And there won’t be any food pictures (my appetite is MIA anyway) or recipes. But I just wanted to drop in and say hi, and it seems that when I start “writing” my fingers take off and don’t want to stop.
I am in the middle of a very tough decision that I’ve been trying to figure out for several months now. I know it may be driving you crazy when you read my posts that I am being so secretive about these “projects” I have going on, but it’s a very sensitive issue right now, so I have to still keep the details under wraps for the time being. I know you all understand.
Throughout the course of this decision process, I have been praying constantly. I have been seeking out every person who knows and loves me, hoping they will tell me what to do. Sometimes they do…but it doesn’t solve it for me because I know I have to be the one to decide. I always try to be very genuine on this blog, and right now I have to be honest – I am scared to death. I’m scared of each potential outcome for different reasons, and I think this is part of what makes it so difficult. A wise friend told me last night that in almost every decision there will be “what if’s.” Nothing in this life is ever certain, but we still have to move forward, making the best decision we possibly can after considering all the facts. Then….pursue joy. Pursue joy and contentment in the situation we’re in. Sometimes we make the wrong decision, and we have to deal with the consequences, but in the end it will always be okay. We’ll always come out at least having learned something about ourselves and having grown in some way. And every step we take in this life contributes to the person we’re becoming.
In every decision there will always be a path left untraveled…and we may always wonder if that would have been a better path to take. But the fact is that we have to move forward. No matter how much I wish for it, life cannot stand still while I debate this for another three months. In fact, everything has come down to today. I have to make a decision one way or another…today. And even though I still don’t completely know what to do, I’m trusting that God is with me either way.
In my time with the Lord this morning I stumbled upon Psalm 91, and it brought me such peace. I have begged God to reveal himself to me by showing me what I should do, and I have felt angry at times because I still don’t feel sure. But, I suddenly realized that even though God has not given me a direct answer as to what I should do…He wants me to feel peace knowing that no matter which path I choose to take, He will be on it too. He gives me freedom to choose, and as long as I’m loving Him through either decision, He wants me to make the choice. And He wants me to trust Him and find joy in Him regardless of what decision I make. He will be beside me for better or for worse.
He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. Your will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling – even the Lord , who is my refuge – then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will life you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
Because he loves me, “says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he ackowledeges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Wth long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
If you are so inclined, please say a prayer for me that I will trust and feel at peace today. Once this is all over (hopefully tonight), I’ll be back – and hopefully so will my appetite!
And again, I love you all and hope that you have a wonderful Wednesday!