the whole story

30 Jun

It isn’t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse…Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look. It’s the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of the Platonic ideal, that creates our best lives.” ~Martha Beck, life coach

I stumbled upon this quote on Angela’s quotes page awhile back, and I filed it away in my memory (and on my computer of course).  It sums up exactly how I feel about my life right now.

Today, I made the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.  I walked into my principal’s office, and I told her that I won’t be teaching again this coming year.

Let’s start from the beginning.

leaving for my first day of student teaching

Three years ago, I timidly walked into a high school English classroom.  I had been assigned to student teach junior PreAp English, and I had absolutely no clue what would lie ahead.  I fought hard that semester and finished with flying colors; I learned so much and grew immensely.  At the end of the semester, the principal interviewed me for a job, and I landed it.  A few days later I turned it down to go on a crazy adventure in Thailand with my husband.

A little over a year ago, I walked into that same high school, the same principal interviewed me yet again, and again I landed the job.  This time I accepted.  I became a high school English teacher.

leaving for my first day of teaching – Olive was not so excited to be losing her stay-at-home-mama:)

The past year has been intimidating, challenging, exciting, emotional, full of doubt, frustrating, rewarding and exhausting.  In all honesty, it has been the hardest year of my life. Teaching myself and then teaching my students all new material of two different subjects, learning the ropes of having my own classroom, putting in hours of overtime and driving two hours everyday to do it left me feeling drained and lifeless most of the time.  Through all of the difficulties there were moments in which I enjoyed being with the students.  I loved interacting with them on a personal level, and I felt rewarded when I knew I had made a connection with them.

While I enjoyed some aspects of teaching, in the end the stress and time involved paired with the commute chipped away at my spirit.  I have not been myself, and I have not been thriving.  I’ve been surviving.  And I don’t want to just survive anymore. I want to pursue my passions, I want to be around more to take care of my home and my family, I want to have energy and life and I want to be able to put more time into my relationships.

leaving for my last day of teaching

I have spent hours into days debating and praying over this decision.  I’ve sought advice from the people who know me and love me the most.  And while I still feel like I left a little piece of myself at that school, I have made the decision to move on.  I’ve decided to put my health and happiness first.  And that makes me feel strong.

So what will I be up to now?

I already have many projects in the works!

If you’ve noticed the ad on my sidebar, you know my husband has his own graphic design business.  He has worked so hard to build and grow, and he has!  His success is such a blessing, but in the last 6 months it has also become a bit overwhelming.  So, that’s where I come in.  I’ll be taking care of the administrative side of our business. I’m extremely excited about this role because our future goals include working alongside each other, perhaps focusing solely on our business at some point in the future.

But that’s not all!  About a week ago I started tutoring an international student, helping him with English conversation and vocabulary.  Mohammad and I have been/will be meeting everyday for an hour, and I will be helping him to improve his English so he can enter into the graduate program at our university. I have enjoyed teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) classes in the past, and I’m looking forward to a possible part-time ESL teaching job (I turned in my application a few days ago), as well as more tutoring opportunities.

Of course I am also stoked about being able to put more time and energy into CSM.  I love my blog – I love to write, especially about healthy living, and I love being a part of the blogging community. I’m excited to be able to focus more on my passion.

I’ve also got a few other exciting possibilities up my sleeve, but I’m not quite ready to spill the beans on those:)  Who knows what may pop up in the coming months?  Honestly, I’m ready for anything.  While I’m scared of the unknown, I’m also so excited at the possibilities that lie ahead.  I hope you will all continue with me as I start this new phase of my life.  There will surely be many bumps and detours, but hopefully many victories as well as I step out in faith, trusting that God has great plans.

So, here’s to another new chapter.

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20 Responses to “the whole story”

  1. Sarah July 1, 2010 at 2:08 am #

    I’m so excited for you!!! Freedom!

    Well done on making this difficult decision and stepping into the unknown. From what you’ve written it sounds like the right one for you 🙂 Bring on the next few months! Looking forward to hearing more about other plans. Anything to do with being a health and fitness trainer? In my ideal world I’d love to be a yoga instructor but i’m happy with nursing for now. xxx

    • candice July 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

      Sarah – thanks friend! Your support is so kind. As far as the other plans..let’s just say they are related to fitness, but I’m a little bit all over the place right now, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want. Nursing is such an amazing and admirable profession, and I know you must be great at it:) It’s so good to be happy with your career.

  2. Callie @ Callieflower Kitchen July 1, 2010 at 4:18 am #

    Congrats on being strong and making a decision like that to better your life! It sounds like you have so many things in your life to make you thrive instead of just survive 🙂 Best of luck to all your future endeavours, I’m sure you’ll do great no matter what!

    • candice July 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm #

      Callie – so good to “see” you again:) Thanks so much for the affirmation…such a huge blessing to me.

  3. Heather (Where's the Beach) July 1, 2010 at 5:41 am #

    Congratulations girl! I am very envious but super excited for you for taking that scary leap of faith. I’m working towards that myself so I know how frightening it can be. But, it sounds like you’ve made the right choice and probably feel about a million pounds lighter too!

    • candice July 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

      Heather – you are too sweet. It’s nice to know that someone understands. I know you can do it too, and I’m excited to see what happens for you!

  4. Grace July 1, 2010 at 5:56 am #

    I am so happy for you. I know God has great things in store for you–I saw this (http://gracewilson.tumblr.com/post/757538458/home-sanctuary) right after I read your post and it made me think of you!

  5. ely July 1, 2010 at 7:28 am #

    Hey girly-

    I’m so proud of you! I know those choices are soooo hard to make, and I know that you don’t take them lightly. I’m glad that you’ve been so blessed to be able to pursue things you love. I’m proud or both you and Jon! xoxo

  6. Jess July 1, 2010 at 8:29 am #

    Way to step out in faith! I’m sure you won’t be disappointed! =)

    • candice July 1, 2010 at 10:51 am #

      Thanks for the encouragement, Jess! And thanks for stopping by:)

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