I’ve felt such a need all day long to sit down and write…and now that the twins are napping and I finally have the computer in front of me I feel a bit paralyzed. My instinct is to vent about all the feelings I’ve been having since Friday afternoon – fear, pain, disbelief, thankfulness – but the core of all those feelings is the concern I feel for the victims and families of the victims of the Connecticut shooting so it feels a little bit selfish to complain.
Just like every other morning, I sat on our bed with the twins this morning…but this time I just held them and wept. I cannot fathom what those families are experiencing. The thought of anything ever happening to Linc and Viv is more than I can bear, and I cannot understand how those moms and dads, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters are continuing on with life. I once heard someone say that when something like this happens, you don’t heal from the pain, you just learn to live with it. And I know that when faced with something like this, you must just do that. But my heart just hurts so badly for them.
This past weekend we had our first Christmas celebration with the McCoy side of our family, and amidst all the excitement my mind kept drifting, and I felt so numb. Since Friday I find myself feeling like life shouldn’t move on, but at the same time I know it’s not right or possible to dwell on the tragedy forever. I just don’t really know how to deal with this other than to just pray. Pray that God will continue to make his presence known as a comfort and a source of peace to the victims, the families, the children who survived. And that God will make his presence known as our country moves forward and changes are made to help protect our people, especially our children, better.
Aside from living a life of prayer, I also hope we can all take this as a reminder to love each other better and to focus on what really matters. We get so wrapped up in our own selfish desires and the things of this world, and we forget that one of the most important things in life is loving each other and looking out for one another. I hope I can begin to do that better. To go out of my way whenever possible to make someone’s day easier if even just for a moment. We really have to watch out for each other, even when it’s not easy.